Who really is it?

                   WHO REALLY IS IT?

Before, seeing some couples who were very sweet and watching romantic dramas made me wonder: are all couples really like that? Is that how they should be, that sweet?Reading Wattpad stories and other books revealed to me that there are indeed different types of love and love languages. I first learned about this from my MAPEH teacher in 8th grade, sparking my curiosity.

By the time I reached 12th grade at 19 years old, all of my female classmates were in love, and even the boys were dating. I found myself both curious and envious. What does it feel like to be in love and to date someone you care about? Back then, I wanted to experience it, yet part of me was hesitant.

Looking back to 7th grade, I remember how five of my classmates had a crush on me. But I was just a kid, more interested in playing and eating. I was too innocent for what they called "puppy love."

****

First year of college hit me differently. It turns out that having experience is really different from having none. It's the same when seeking a job: the employer will hire a worker who already has experience.

 I once chatted with someone on Facebook when I was in grade 9. He courted me, but since I wasn't interested, he waited. Eventually, his courting turned into a friendship. We became very close, and every time there was an occasion, he never forgot to give gifts, even to my siblings. My parents knew he was courting me, but both of us knew we were just friends and that I wasn't ready to commit. When I went to college, I lost interest because I was busy and rarely went online. He went to Manila to study Culinary Arts at STI. We only talked about three times a month because we both got so busy with our studies. But we both understood that it was for our own good.

I feel lucky to know this guy because we have the same vibe and we both focus on our studies. Even now, I can't bring myself to say yes to him because he's so kind and responsible, and I feel like I don't deserve him. He's from a wealthy family, which is the opposite of my situation. He's also the reason I became really interested in reading books. I've learned a lot from him, especially about real-life lessons. He's wonderful to talk to, and I feel really safe with him. Even though we've only met in person once, we feel very close, probably because we often video call.

Five years of being close friends with him while he's courting me, and I still can't say yes. I'm very confused about how to say yes because I'm not sure what to do if we become a couple. What if I ruin what we have now? It would be a waste of the five years we've spent as friends.

****

This first semester in class as a college student was a huge challenge. It felt like it was draining my interest in my studies. Then I met this guy who is my senior; we got to know each other because he's related to my classmate. He is very kind and family-oriented, and his first priority is his family, which I like because we share the same mindset.

We were mutual friends for eight months when he started courting me. However, I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, and he said he wasn't ready to commit either. I found it funny that he was courting me even though he wasn't ready, but he explained, "I might not be ready for the responsibilities yet, but I guess I can learn, and personal growth will develop." He had a point, but I still told him I didn't want to waste his time because I wasn't ready to commit. He said he would stop courting me but that our relationship would remain the same, and I agreed.

Over the next year, we became very close, sharing what happened in our lives every day. Sometimes he had tasks he couldn't do, and since I was good at them, I insisted on helping him because he truly deserved it for being so kind.

And then one day, he suddenly sent me a message thanking me for all the help because he had passed a subject that was really difficult for him. He thanked me for helping with his project. This guy is so much like me; it’s quite a coincidence that our birthdays are one after the other. He is incredibly kind, but sometimes he distances himself because he believes we're on different levels in life. He thinks that because his family is poor and mine is well-off, we shouldn't get too close. I find it funny because he's overthinking it. But since after what happened we still became friends and we're very close until now. And I realized that being with him I find a new friend that is very close mine. 

****